how to read shattered heart:

Red text is commentary made by the present day me, age 22. Black text is copied and pasted from the various Livejournals I kept between 2001 and 2007. Post titles indicate the original posting date of the black text.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

2002-12-14 11:49:00

i thought a good way to start off a blog where i post old excerpts from the internet was with a livejournal post in which i did the same. this post was made in 2002 but recalls a time in my life when i was taking my first wobbly steps into the online world. according to myself, age 13, the conversation posted must have occurred in the year 2000. although it was actually between my brother and father, i think it sets the right tone for this blog and introduces my young self in a way i never could in my own words. here, i'll help you out a bit by setting up the ambiance:

imagine you are a 9 year old boy, sitting in the air conditioned basement of your parents' house. the internet is running at the lightening speed of 14.4 kb/s and your older sister has recently introduced you to the coolest new program: AOL. she has informed you that you can use it to procure internet friends and partake in "chats." in the background are the sweet sounds of the backstreet boys' seminal album, Millenium. after briefly disconnecting from the internet to check your phone messages, you restart AOL only to find that your father, sitting only a few rooms away, has added you to his buddy list. the rest is history....

"lmfao oh fucking man.
i was just clearing out some space on this computer, and it used to belong to my brother and i. and i found an AIM conversation that my brother saved when he was NINE years old (i was 11) between him and my dad (we'd just gotten aim and wanted my dad to try it.)
honestly..this is the funniest thing i've read in a hell of a long time. read it or miss out.

kilderkin1: Hi Calum
Calum28: Hi Dad!
Calum28: :-):-):-)
Calum28: ;-);-);-)
Calum28: :-(:-(:-(
kilderkin1: :-):-(;-)
kilderkin1: :oP
kilderkin1: :-)
Calum28: IROCK
kilderkin1: No you don't
Calum28: YES I DO

Calum28: I DO SO
Calum28: I ROCK
Calum28: I ROCK
Calum28: So much
kilderkin1: You're talking to yourself. First sign
of madness.
Calum28: yer mean
kilderkin1: Go and do something useful. Like
helping Mum in the back yard.
Calum28: NO

kilderkin1: lazy so and so
Calum28: lol
kilderkin1: How come you have so many
Calum28: I dunno
kilderkin1: You mean "I don't know"? Speak
English man
Calum28: Na
Calum28: No
Calum28: brb
Calum28: im back
Calum28: Whats kilderkin1 spost to mean?
Calum28: Hi Sam
Calum28: :-):-):-):-):-)
Calum28: lol
Calum28: Sam?
Calum28: are you there Sam?
Calum28: lol
Calum28: ;-);-);-)
kilderkin1: Who's Sam?
Calum28: I looked at you directory info and it
sais your name is Sam
Calum28: Hi sam
kilderkin1: Look again
Calum28: what thats not your name?
Calum28: oh
Calum28: i know your name
Calum28: Sam is short for Samantha
Calum28: Hi Samantha
kilderkin1: Try again
Calum28: I did
Calum28: so i suspect yer name is Samantha
kilderkin1: Did you check?
Calum28: Yep
Calum28: Can I meet yer son?
Calum28: Hes a bit younger than me
Calum28: im 10
Calum28: hes 9
kilderkin1: You're a bad liar
Calum28: exuse me?
Calum28: I will warn you in a sec
kilderkin1: I'll spank you
Calum28: i dont take language like that sir
Calum28: And if your wondering
Calum28: I dont cyber
Calum28: sorry
kilderkin1: It's not language. It's a promise.
kilderkin1: What's cyber?
Calum28: You know
Calum28: have sex inline
Calum28: and i dont
Calum28: sorry
Calum28: online
kilderkin1: How do you know about this?
Calum28: or
Calum28: Liv
kilderkin1: Then you're both banned. Switch
off the internet now.
Calum28: no
Calum28: i didnt do anything"

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